the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
