grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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