I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
