Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
