So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
