I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
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As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
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the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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