At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
