you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
