So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
