I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
