For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
