Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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