covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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