Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
