We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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