got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
