I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
