Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
