My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
