remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
