I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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