the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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