You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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