Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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