Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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