Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
