Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
