she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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