Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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