Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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