Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
