theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
