Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I just found puke in my bra..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize