In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
