you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
