I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
