I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
