Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
