i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
