guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the condom got lost in my hair
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I fill condoms, not promises.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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