rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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