I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
