trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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