It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
This beer is not sobering me up at all
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
