I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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