hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
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