I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
