He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
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My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.