I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
