hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office