i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
