those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
And then the night went full on bisexual.