I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.