You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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