After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
