He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
