Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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