Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
