U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
