i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
