just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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