If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
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Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
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Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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