I hate all girls vehemently.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
