what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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