Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
