He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
