Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize