Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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