Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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