How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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