Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
