if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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