The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize