as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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